> WAAAAGH! Smartyskull! « The Four Strands

The Four Strands Modeling, Painting, Gaming and Storytelling


Kajun Gogwurr, da Zombee Masta


Kajun was modeled mostly from the Ork Nob box.  His snapping fingers are a hand holding a combi-weapon with the gun carved out of the palm, and the fingers custom sculpted.  The Skull is from the Ork Trukk sprue and the cane is brass rod with putty.  The Suit is sculpted out of putty, as is the hat.  The brim of the hat and the red ribbon are plasticard.

The Zombee is the Zombie Champion from the old Fantasy Zombie Command Blister.  The Shield arm was modified with a rokkit and putty to be holding an overflowing beer stein.  The Mardee-Grah Beads are putty.

The "voodoo dolls" are a placeholder mini designed to represent Kajun's extra attacks.  They are a mix of Epic minis and putty.


Smartyskull's rise to power involved incorporating several other warbands into his. Mostly, other Ork Warbosses resented a Boss who was a dirty stinkin' Humie lover.

Gurrshak Wart-rot was one of these. He and Smartyskull raided each other for resources until the clash came to a head at the battle of Da Great Round Clearin', a clearing in Wart-rot's forest that was generally squarish. Smartyskull dueled with Wart-rot, and managed to get the upper hand. His Ork instincts telling him to kill competitors overrode his Humie-machine logic preaching mercy, and Smartyskull killed Wart-rot.

As the death blow was struck, green lightning pierced the sky, and a strange Ork appeared. Surrounded by a green haze of psychic energy, he wore a tattered black suit coat, and face paint like a skull. He doffed his strange stovepipe hat and proclaimed to his tribe that Poindexta Smartyskull was their new Warboss. The tribe answered with a joyous WAAAAAAAAGH!

Suddenly, a large KLANK sounded as a Power Klaw impacted Smartyskull's back. One of Wart-rot's drinking buddies decided that he would be a better candidate for Warboss.


As the strange noise echoed through the forest, Smartyskull rose to his feet to find the Nob who had backhanded him replaced by an emaciated rotting shadow of his former self. The strange Ork in the hat approached.

"You not lissen what I say, an' dat's da las' mistake you goan' make. I's Kajun Gogwurr an' you's a Zombee, so you's do whatta I says oh you's goan' stay dat way, heah?"

The zombified Ork moaned and lunged for Smartyskull. Kajun shot forth his hand and sprayed a reddish powder. It covered the Zombie from head to toe, and he burned with green fire. A bit of the powder got into Smartyskull's nose, and it burned hotter than the hottest pepper-shroom. After a mild sneezing fit, he turned to Kajun.

"Kajun Gogwurr, you gotta lotta mojo. How's about you be my number one advizer?"

"Das' jus' fine. Come, we celebrate wif' mah fahnest Squig-Gumbo. Fire up da pot, boys!"

After barely choking down the hideous spicy goo, Smartyskull and Kajun Gogwurr made a pact. Smartyskull would allow the snakebites to keep to the old ways if they wanted, but to give them newer supplies if they wished, and lead them to battle. He would also let Gogwurr organize Mardee-Grah, a festival of masks and heavy drinking. Gogwurr would keep uppity boys in line, and dish out gumbo. He is Smartyskull's wisest source of council (not difficlut considering the competition) and the warband's greatest chef. His Gumbo is so spicy you can't tell it's been rotting.

Gogwurr has also made a habit of making little dolls of all the powerful Orks in the camp. After all, one day he might need to do something to them...


Da Grand Baron Skippy Von Peanut Butta and his Flash Gitz Mob


Da Grand Baron Skippy Von Peanut Butta is the one in the first two pics.  He is the body of an old pewter Bad Moons Nob in Mega Armor (2nd ed) with Snikrot's head.  His arms are taken from the new Plastic Nobz box, and the shoulder pads are extra armor from the Boyz box.  The gun is a plasma gun from the old 2nd ed nob with a Space Marine Godhammer pattern Lascannon from the Land Raider.  The banner pole is brass rod pinned to the Bad Moons symbol from the 2nd ed Nob.  The Belly is sculpted out of putty.  A diet rich in peanut butter packs on the pounds!

The other Flash Gitz are plastic Nobz from the box set.  The one with two pistols was my first Flash Git, he has two of the Nob pistol from the Boyz box set, and putty sculpted mirrorshades.  His name is Nee-yo.

The next one has a combi-rokkit launcha with two electrodes cut from the head of the Mek from the Loota/Burna box set and a coiled paperclip to make a bullet electrifier.  He's TeslaDakka.

The one with the bow has a bow made of brass rod and paperclip, with putty feathers and rokkits from the Deffkopta.  That's what I think a Snakebite Flash Git would look like.  He's Blam-bo.

The one that has a lot of Tau bitz uses a lot os stuff from the Tau Suit box.  Front plate, drone up top on the bosspole, burst cannon and carbines on the gun.  The club is a Tau Suit leg with a spiky shoulder pad.  He's Runtsmasha.

The next one is Rokkit Rokkit Rokkit.  He uses every rocket from the Space Marines, Orks, and Imperial Guard that I could find.

The one with the long barreled double big shoota has the shoota taken from the Assault on Black Reach Warboss with two Autocannon barrels glued on,  He's Dubba-tap.

The one with the pewter backpack has combi weapons made from Tau plasma and melta with a Space Marine Melta and an Ork Slugga.  The shoulder straps were putty sculpted and the backpack is Snikrot's.  He's Nooka.

The last one is sighting down a Space Marine Godhammer Lascannon and has a Guard Heavy Bolter too, with the Gretchin Backpack from the Loota/Burna box.  I really like the pose, as it looks like he's trying to aim.  He's Dedeye.

That's 8 Flash Gitz and a Character for 9, plus a Dok is a full unit of 10.


Baron Peanut Butta: a tale of addiction in the 41st Millenium

Grutz was a shoota boy, nothing special about him. While looting a Human encampment, he came across a pantry, and in the pantry was a can of light brown goo. Its smell was like nothing Grutz had experienced, and he tasted it.

It was the best thing. EVER.

He couldn't get enough! He wolfed down the whole can in minutes; despite its annoying but pleasant sticky texture. He smashed apart the pantry looking for more, then inquired around. The only other intact can in the entire encampment (a BIG can, from the Mess Hall) was in the loot pile of the biggest Nob in the whole warband.

So Grutz beat him to death with a shoe.  Why? What would YOU have done?

Well, ol' Grutz made that big can last, because he realized you don’t get to raid Humie camps every day. When he ran out, he went to see Boss Smartyskull, and showed him the can. Da Boss could read Humie somehow, and he said that it was called "Peanut Butta."

Grutz said that HE was called Peanut Butta too, and asked how he could get more. Smartyskull grinned. He said that stuff was real expensive, and Peanut Butta was gonna have to have a lot of teeth to get it. Peanut Butta put every ounce of his brainpower into becoming a shrewd and kunnin businessman. He tried everything from helping out Mad Mek Upzindownz, to outright theft from other Boyz, to selling Squig-aid. Needless to say, all of these activities were highly profitable and suicidally dangerous, especially the Squig-aid.

But Peanut Butta came through mostly intact and filthy stinking rich. He had enough to buy a can or two from The Boss (who stockpiled Humie stuff for some reason) and had enough left over to buy the shootiest gun the Mek could make and some wicked snazzy armour. His brutality and economical prowess caused him to grow to Nob like stature, though he insists on being calld "Da Grand Baron Skippy von Peanut Butta."

With his fancy shoota he put together a mob of da best Flash Gitz around, whose services he rents out to Smartyskull for more cans of Peanut Butta. If it weren't for his crippling addiction to that wonderful delicious rich creamy brown nutty stuff, he'd be the boss around here.

Incidentally, whenever Smartyskull finds a human civilization willing to trade, he always purchases as much Peanut Butter as he can. Insurance is expensive, but Peanut Butta's Flash Gitz are worth every can of loyalty he can buy.


Lotza Nobz!

A variety of Nobs and a Painboy.  These can be used as Boyz squad Nobs or a Nobs squad.  They work well in either case.  Very minor conversions involved.  Most models are from the Plastic Nobs box or are Assault on Black reach Nobs.  Good variety of weapons.  I even got the special WAAAAGH banner with power klaw model to round them out.  A Nobs squad without a WAAAAGH banner is at about 1/2 effectiveness as it causes them to hit Space Marines on a 3.  Here's some numbers:

PK and WAAAAGH! banner: 1

PK: 6 (one is not shown)

Shoota-Skorcha: 1

Big Choppas: 2

Choppas: 3

Painboy: 1

Grot Orderly: 1

With 3 regular Boyz squads with PK Nobs I can field a decent sized squad of foot Nobs in a mounted list or my Smartyskull all-walking list.  Good times.


Nob Bikers – Bane of Gaming

So I've been writing a lot about lack of balance and overpowered units.  Nob bikers are the worst of the lot.

So of course I had to have some.  Just to keep things even...

All of these use the Nob box set and the Ork Warbike box set.  Some of the torsos were taken from the Ork Boys box set (the Nob body).  Some of the legs are regular Ork Biker legs and some are plastic Nob legs sawed and re-puttied to look good.  It's hard to tell the difference.

So, as you can see from the weapon kit, I've made a lot of different options.  Several Power Klaws and Big Choppas.  There's also one regular choppa.  These have alternating Bosspoles and sans-bosspoles to create more annoying variety.

There's also a Painboy.  The Mask was made with putty.  The syringe is made from the Ork Nob Harpoon Arm bionik, with the spool removed and the harpoon shaved down.  A pin vise made the hole, and the canister is a Space Marine Meltabomb shaved down.  The Grot Orderly mask is actually a grot head from the Plastic Gretchin box, and also uses the Ammo Runt arms with the Stikkbomb carved out.  The bag is made of putty.

The WAAAAAGH! banner is made of brass rod and plasticard with the Ork skull on top.  The glyphs read "WAAAAAGH!  Smartyskull" in Ork.

In games I have used them, they have performed like you'd think they would.  I usually don't include them because it's not fun to just have them rampage through everything and win uncontested.


Rukkstud ‘Andfoot, da Piston-Poundin’ Stormboy


Rukkstud uses mostly parts from the new Plastic Nob box.  The feet were removed and replaced with a slugga and choppa hand.  The backpack's base is a plank from the Ork Trukk sprue, with a new plastic Stormboy backpack and two Castellan class missiles from the Space Marine Whirlwind sprue.

The pistons are clear plastic tubes, sawed into the correct lengths.  The tubes were capped by filling the ends with putty.  The rivets are putty blobs, flattened.  The rod connecting the pistons is plasticard, inserted into holes drilled through the cured putty.  Rukkstud is mounted on a flying stand in a normal base.


Rukkstud was dipped.  Extra mud was added to the pistons, to show he usually walks on those.


Orks are not afraid of injury. In fact, they live to fight. However, most Orks find being severely injured a situation of grave ponderance.

Because then you have to go to da' Dok.

And no one wants that. Well, a few madboyz might not mind being cut on for fun, and sure some doks are good at what they do, but in Poindexta Smartyskull's camp, Dok Gillgivva is a rightly feared icon both because of his propensity for giving a patient gills, but also because he is quite big, and strong. So, Orks injured in battle (or out of battle, as is the case with Rukkstud) often do not go to the dok, as they prefer to breathe air for what time they have left to live.

Rukkstud (who was then called Flashzagga da Reckless) chose not to go see the dok when he was injured. One of the Kans got loose again, and managed to neatly slice both of Flashzagga's arms off. Without the arms, his Rokkit pack fell off, and nearly squished his adjutant, Runtee

Runtee, being a quick witted Grot, grabbed up his master’s arms and suggested that rather than seeing da Dok, that they see da Mek instead. Flashzagga agreed, partly because he was a quart low on blood and did not have very good decision making abilities at the time. The conversation with Manik Upzindownz went like this: 

"Oi Mek! Dat kan took me armz off at da shoulder! Youse gots any bioniks dat would make it so'z I'z still a Stormboy?" 

"Well, lemme see. First we gotta" *KLANG*

The next thing Flashzagga realized, he had a headache, he was on a table, and his arms had been replaced by giant adamantium pistons. Furious and groggy, he tore out of his restraints before Upzindowns could install the various power-assist systems needed to make lifting the piston-arms easier. Flashzagga limped out of the tent like an ape, flinging both pistons out, then balancing on them and jumping forward. He finally found that Runtee had been eaten by a Squighound, and that the hound had eaten most of his upper arms as well. Furious, Flashzagga attempted to smash the Squighound with one of the pistons. This proved difficult as the pistons were enormously heavy, but soon, the Squighound fled, and he was left with his hands. He awkwardly picked them up in his mouth, and finally went to see Dok Gillgivva.

"Dok, I'z in a bind. Dat crazee mek done gave me piston arms! I needs my hands, dok, and not any gills. Now do it wif no anna-stetic, cuz I wanna be wide awake."

Flashzagga had always been known for his temper. The dok, sadly, put away his anesthetic mallet and considered the situation. The arms were gone, but the boy needed hands. Can't go at the shoulders, the boy wants the pistons. Hmmmm....

" 'Ow much you like dem feet?"

"Don' care much for feet, gots pistons now! You finkin' wot I'm finkin?"

He was.

After about a week of getting used to having hands at the end of his legs, Rukkstud (as he now called himself) went back to Upzindowns, finished the installation, and had him make a Rokkit pack powerful enough to lift both him and the pistons. Now, Rukkstud 'Andfoot crashes into crowds of his enemies, pistons blazing. When he lands, his hand-foot dexterity makes his close combat skills a frightful sight to behold. His temper is still as violent as ever, and he routinely shoots or pistons Stormboyz fleeing from combat, or indeed anyone who makes fun of his prized piston-arms or hand-feet.


Manik Upzindownz, da Mad Mek


Manik uses the Assault on Black Reach plastic Warboss.  His Big Shoota was cut out of his hand, and his hand was cut off and turned 90 degrees to hold the handlebars of the bike.  The wrist was joined with putty.  The legs were modded to fit a bike, which included destroying the tabard.  The Arrows are cut from plasticard.

The Trike Conversion entailed using a regular Ork Bike wheel for the third wheel and a Trukk wheel for the front wheel.  The third wheel was held on using the ammo belt as an extension.  The guns include two Ork Bike guns and an Imperial Guard Autocannon.  Extra Ammo canisters were added.  The Front shocks of the bike were sawn apart, and the main bars replaced with bent brass rods.  The Plasma Cannon comes from the old pewter Chaos Space Marine Dreadnought.  The bit was sawed apart using a jeweler's saw which was INTENSELY PAINFUL to do.  The jaws are standard Ork Bike fronts.

Painting was done using the standard dipping method.  Extra care was given to the reds and yellows to make them pop.  Boltgun metal was added to edges on the back banner to make it appear worn.


Never challenge a Weirdboy to a Staring Contest. Not even if the prize is the tastiest squig you've ever seen.

Mag da Mekboy made this mistake. For two years he hung out with the Madboys, making as much sense as a Grot Warboss, until he attempted to open up his head to fix his broken wires. Amazingly, he succeeded, and put his brain back in, half upside down.

Ever since then, he has managed to be at least coherent on good days, alternating with barking mad on bad days. Some boyz say that he even talks different when he's gone off the deep end, like a different Ork altogether. This earned him his name, Manik Upzindownz.

Years of madness honed his imagination, and he is responsible for Smartyskull's one Gargant, a massive smoking monstrosity called "Da Gentul Teddy Bear." Do not ask Manik why; he will shoot you in the kneecaps.

In battle, Manik is rarely seen without his Shokk Attack Gun (on "stable days") or his souped up Dakkabike 9000 (on less than stable days). He fights for Smartyskull because a half super-ork-brained, half humie-machine-brained hulking warlord who enjoys tea and smashing stuff is the obviouschoice for a leader. He is the only one of Smartyskulls Lieutenants that requires absolutely no bribery.

Often, this forces Smartyskull to put Upzindownz in command of raids he cannot attend, though Smartyskull is often afraid Upzindowns will not follow orders and instead lose it entirely and orate about the beauty of the squighound's bark for hours on end, as he does bi-weekly at scheduled speeches attended by the bored or stupid.


Loudmouf Sneakilla


Loudmouf Sneakilla


Loudmouf uses Snuikrot's body.  I used the head from the plastic Nob box that has Cylon eyes, and connected it with putty to fill out the neck.  Into the neck and mouth-tube I inserted Guitar Wire that runs up to the speakers, which come from the Sisters of Battle tank sprue.  The frame on his back is a sprue.  The canopy is from the old plastic tree terrain sprue.  Loudmouf's custom Cesti (plural of Cestus) are sharpened pieces of sprue held on with custom sculpted putty vines to hide Snikrot's dog tags.  The switch on the back is putty and paper clip.


The last words Loudmouf uttered with his own vocal chords were: "Oi! I just 'membered dat I left me favrit squig at 'ome!"

This was as his Kommando squad was about to infiltrate an Imperial Guard base and bring down the defenses so that Smartyskull could raid it. His Nob was less than thrilled when two thirds of the squad was obliterated by heavy bolter fire. Dragging Loudmouf by his neck all the way back to camp, the Nob deposited him before Smartyskull and asked for a judgment, as Da Boss always found funny ways to punish the stupid or careless. Smartyskull's verdict was that because Loudmouf's neck was so badly injured, that he should go see Dok Gilgivva, hur hur hur.

Loudmouf's Nob didn't like this verdict much; so on the way he took a large chunk of Loudmouf's neck with him. This was the luckiest thing that could have happened to Loudmouf, as you can't install gills into a ruined neck. With the help of Manik Upzindownz, the Dok installed another invention he had been working on, his patented loudener.

Once finished, Loudmouf was unable to utter any syllables below 130 decibels. The Dok's new loudener also came with a very important feature: a mute switch. Though it tends to get caught on things, Loudmouf became adept at moving so that he doesn't accidentally turn it on. This has made him the new paragon of Ork stealth. (So stealthy in fact that his Nob didn't hear Loudmouf sneaking up on him.)

His signature weapons (custom made at great expense) are cesti (horseshoe shaped bars, sharpened along their outer edge), strapped to his forearms. This allows him to slash up Humies in combat while keeping his hands free to move underbrush, open doors, or muffle a sentry before he can shout. Loudmouf enjoys creeping up on an enemy, then turning on his loudener and shouting “WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!” in a blast that leaves the enemy temporarily deafened, and unable to hear orders. Then, he shuts off the loudener and melts back into the background, ready to pop out and kill again.


Gotz more trukks, boss! Job’s a good’un!

Here's my other three trukks.  The first you saw before was an Evil Sunz Trukk, so it was red.  Other clans are more subtle with their red paint job.

The Goff trukk with the black and white checkers has some red panels.  Red's a good Goff color too!  For extra combattyness, this trukk has a wreckin' ball!

There's a yellow Bad Moons trukk with a wicked red racing stripe.  Added black flames for more style.

Then of course there's the Deathskull trukk.  The red paint job is UNDER the fresh blue paint job that was put on minutes before the battle started.  So no one will know it's stolen.


Ol’ Dok Gillgivva


Dok Gillgivva was made mostly from an Assault on Black Reach Nob.  The Klaw and Bionik arm are from the plastic Nob box.  I carved down a Slugga for the left bionik arm.  To both arms I added syringes made from thick plasticard rods, paperclips, and Space Marine Meltabombs with the middle square bits carved out.  The Head light was custom sculpted.  I cut the goldfish out of plasticard, and added plasticard gills and used a pin vise for the eye.

Gillgivva was painted like my other orks, with dipping.  I then added some dynamic lighting effeccts from the green liquid on his left arm to make it look like it was glowing.

For the 'Ard Boyz, I used wooden spheres for the heads and custom sculpted the victorian grilles.  The tubing is Lego Pneumatic tubing, and the air tanks are Imperial Guard Flamer tanks.


Ol' Dok Gillgivva earned his name when he realized that the skin of a slime squig, carefully applied to an incision on a Boy's neck, could filter "da good stuff" out of water, essentially giving an Ork gills, allowing him to breathe underwater.

His first experiments did not breathe water well, so to compensate, he used multiple slits, all around the neck. This improved water breathing efficiency, but made the Ork unable to breathe regular air. To compensate for this, he sends them to Manik Upzindownz, the Mad Mek, who sells them an expensive apparatus designed to let them carry around a water supply. Designed by Gillgivva himself, this system incorporates water containers coated with that same slime squig skin, allowing the water to be re-oxygenated and sent to a helmet where the Ork can breathe it in.

To protect their new weakness, most of Gillgivva's "patients" become Ard Boyz, armoring themselves and their water supplies. Though they can breathe underwater, this prevents them from being amphibious as the armored packs are heavy, and without them they could not leave the water. These Ard Boyz tend to hang around Gillgivva, because after all, gills need maintenance and he has not found a way to give you gills twice.

Gillgivva was the Dok who put Poindexta Smartyskull's brain(s) in, and Smartyskull keeps him around, protecting him from his victims in exchange for a promise never to give Smartyskull gills.


Telling a story with your model.

You can use modeling to tell a story without saying a word.  I made a looted Ork vehicle.  Look at all the pictures, try to see what the story behind the vehicle is, and then scroll down past the white space.

















The Story

As you can see, there is damage to the front track guard and right side front hull.  The Chimera was hit by severe antitank fire, coming from its right side.  This immobilized it and allowed the Orks to capture and loot it.  The rear door was ripped off and replaced.  The damaged laser turret was upgraded to a Rokkit Launcha.  That's how this vehicle joined Poindexta Smartyskull's warband.  I tried to explain this with the way I built it.  Some people loot Ork vehicles by just slapping gubbins on wherever.  That's fine, but I like my idea better.

Finally, as an extra modelling goody, I modeled Red Paint Job as something other than a red paint job.  Of course there will be some red at the end, but it will get there because of Vincent Van Grot, on the top left side.  He even has a bandage on his ear!

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